Let’s face it: relationships are complicated. And as much as you want to agree on everything, it just isn’t always in the cards. Fortunately, your partner’s distaste towards cannabis doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. With some open communication, understanding, and yes, compromise (on both sides), it is possible for both parties to remain happy in the relationship. 

If the love of your life hates cannabis, here are some tips on how to navigate your differences respectfully and honestly.  

Start by looking at your habits 

Before you move to other items on this list, honestly evaluate your relationship with cannabis. Is it possible that you abuse cannabis rather than “use” it? Have you fallen into some of the negative “stoner” stereotypes, like neglecting your household chores, being late to work or important events, or sacrificing quality time with your partner in favor of using cannabis? Are you borrowing money from friends and family to be able to afford cannabis? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, your partner might be entirely justified in their negativity towards your cannabis use and it might be time for you to seek outside support. 

If you think you have a problem, SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free and confidential service for individuals and families facing substance use disorders: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

Acknowledge your partner’s feelings 

So, you’ve looked at your habits and determined that you have a healthy relationship with cannabis. The next step might be difficult, but it’s important to acknowledge your partner’s feelings, no matter how “wrong” you think they are. Don’t disregard their opinion just because it conflicts with yours. Take the time to truly understand where these feelings are coming from. Did their ex have a drug addiction? Were their parents absent or incarcerated during their childhood because of drug use? Although cannabis is now legal in many states, it hasn’t always been, and their negativity towards cannabis might be coming from a much deeper place. 

Educate your partner about cannabis (and your use)

The key word here is “educate”, not lecture, so remember to keep your tone respectful. Share with your partner all the ways cannabis helps support you in your own life. If cannabis helps you get a good night’s sleep or makes you less anxious in social situations, let them know! Make sure to also educate them on how others might use cannabis for medical reasons. Point to medical studies, clinical trials, and peer-reviewed medical journals -- anything that can help provide validity to your claims. 

Throughout this process, it’s important to remain honest. This means telling the absolute truth about why you use cannabis, how often, and how much you spend. No matter how much you might want to gloss over the details, it’s important to always be honest about your use. 

“Invite” your partner to a session

If your partner has never consumed cannabis, they might have a lot of misconstrued notions about what using cannabis is actually like. By inviting them to observe you using cannabis, they might realize that it isn’t much different than cracking open a beer or meeting a friend for coffee. Don’t pressure them, but perhaps they’re interested in joining in. If your partner expresses an interest in trying cannabis, especially if it’s for the first time, remember to always start with a very small dose and keep these tips in mind in case they start feeling overwhelmed. 

Be willing to compromise….together 

Maybe your partner doesn’t hate cannabis, they just hate how you use cannabis or how much it costs. If you prefer to smoke cannabis and they hate the way it makes you (or the house) smell, perhaps you can try taking edibles instead. If they feel like your cannabis use detracts from quality time between the two of you, perhaps you can agree to consume cannabis when they’re asleep or away from the house. 

The same logic should apply to them. Maybe they can accept your cannabis use if it’s limited to weekends, evenings, or vacations, or if it doesn’t distract from your quality time together. Regardless, it’s important that both sides are willing to compromise and find a middle ground. 

Consider counseling  

If you’ve addressed the above and are still bickering about your cannabis use, it might be time to enlist the help of a professional. Qualified therapists and counselors are trained to help guide couples just like you through rough patches in their relationship, and they enable you to do so in a way that’s productive and respectful. When looking for a counselor or therapist, ask if they have experience in this area. As cannabis continues to be more accepted in the mainstream, counselors are likely to see these issues arise in more and more relationships. 

With open dialogue and a little compromise, people with different views on cannabis can have a fulfilling and loving relationship. Sometimes you just might need to agree to disagree and accept these differences as a quirk that makes your partner unique.